Why We Celebrate: Honoring the Daily Choice to Love
A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I celebrated our 24th anniversary, and it reminded me of something I see missing in SO many marriages: the simple practice of regular joy and intentional celebration.
Not just the milestone years – 5, 10, 15, 25 – but every single year of choosing each other, and more importantly, the weekly rhythm of actually choosing time for enjoying each other's company.
We've somehow convinced ourselves that celebrating our marriages is optional, or that it only matters during "big" moments.
Meanwhile, we've lost touch with the research-backed truth that couples need 6-10 hours per week of lighthearted, enjoyable time together to maintain connection and satisfaction in their relationship.
For our 24th, we didn't plan anything elaborate, and it would have been very tempting to say, “we’re going on a family vacation soon, we’re good.”
But instead we simply carved out several hours to be together without the weight of logistics, schedules, or problem-solving - I told my husband I really needed not only a full day but actually preferably an evening and a morning out - without the tasking of constant overstimulation in my own home that I also work from.
And I did need that. We talked about memories, laughed about inside jokes, and remembered why we actually like each other beyond our roles as co-parents, household managers, mental health advocates, and followers of Christ. It was restorative in a way that a dinner-and-errands dates simply can't provide.
The Weekly Foundation
Before we talk about celebrating anniversaries, let's address the weekly foundation that makes those celebrations meaningful. Research consistently shows that couples need 6-10 (Gottman’s 6 magic hours) hours per week of positive, low-stress interaction to maintain relationship satisfaction. This isn't time spent discussing budgets, coordinating schedules, or managing children – this is time spent actually enjoying each other.
This might look like:
Walking together and talking about dreams, not logistics
Playing games, watching movies (especially if your mood is low, this one can help), or sharing hobbies
Having leisurely meals where conversation flows naturally and a shared dessert or drink
Exploring new places or trying new experiences together
Paying attention to grooming habits or attire more than usual
Simply sitting together and laughing about random things
Why Every Anniversary Matters
When it comes to anniversaries, I’ve also noticed we humans have also created an arbitrary hierarchy where only certain years "count." But here's the truth: every year you choose each other is worth celebrating. Every year you navigate life's challenges together, grow as individuals while staying connected, and continue building something beautiful deserves recognition.
Year 7 matters just as much as year 25. Year 3 is just as significant as year 50. Each year represents 365 days of small choices to love well, to forgive quickly, to show up for each other in ordinary and extraordinary moments. While we were staying at The Birchwood, and dining out at their restaurant, The Birch and Vine in St. Petersburg on our anniversary, we also ran into another couple. Our waiter told us there was another couple celebrating and offered both couples free gelato. The other couple was married 70 years this year!!
Wes, my social hubby, wanted to talk to them immediately, and I said, “Wes I feel like they’re enjoying their dinner. Let’s catch them before they leave,'“ and I meant it. They looked very sweet and also very tired at likely ninetyish years.
When they finished, I alerted Wes to catch up with them, and he ran up to them eagerly and wished them well. They said how they were on year seventy of marriage and then said to him (I remained seated and waved, lol, forever overly dedicated to Jane Austen politeness with strangers), “Congrats on 24. Keep making the effort. It’s worth it!”
Celebrating with Real Life
I understand that not every couple can disappear for romantic getaways and although we used credit card points, sometimes there are other factors.
Maybe you have young children, aging parents, illness, tight budgets, or demanding schedules - believe me, we’ve had those years, too.
The beauty is that meaningful celebration doesn't require elaborate planning or significant expense – it requires one thing, and it’s a word you hear me use a lot - intention.
Some of our most meaningful anniversary celebrations have included:
A special dinner at home after the kids are in bed, complete with candles and our White Hot Nights playlist
A fancy dinner indoors during covid
A morning coffee date before anyone else wakes up
A night drive with no destination, just conversation when the kids were little and we were jusr flat out tired
Recreating our first movie date
The Family Benefit
When we prioritize joy and celebration in our marriages, everyone benefits. Children feel more secure when they see their parents genuinely enjoying each other. They learn what healthy relationships look like – that marriage isn't just about managing life together but about choosing to delight in each other.
Whether they're present for your celebrations or not, children need to see that your relationship is worth celebrating - that even in the moments we don’t like one another - especially then - we need some reconnecting. They need to witness that the foundation of their family is strong and joyful, tenacious and intentional, not just functional and or worse, functional and bitter.
Making It Happen
For your weekly connection: Schedule it like any other important appointment. Protect those 6-10 hours fiercely. Put phones away largely. Focus on lightness and enjoyment rather than heavy conversations or problem-solving.
For your annual celebration: Mark the calendar as soon as you know the date. Plan something that feels special to both of you, regardless of what others might think or do. Make it about the two people who chose to create this life together.
The goal isn't perfection or constant romance. It's about regularly returning to the joy, friendship, and delight that brought you together in the first place.
Your Marriage Is Worth It
As I sat with my husband on our 24th anniversary, I was struck by how easy it would have been to skip celebrating this "non-milestone" year. How tempting it is to think that year 24 doesn't matter as much as year 25 will (in my 7 I was already thinking of 25). But every year of marriage is a gift – a year of learning to love better, of weathering storms together, of choosing each other again and again.
So this week, carve out time for lighthearted connection. Plan something special for your next anniversary, regardless of what number it is. Your relationship is worth celebrating, not just surviving.
After all, the marriages that last aren't the ones that never face challenges – they're the ones that remember to celebrate the joy amidst the ordinary beautiful chaos of choosing each other, year after year after year.
