I’ve come to realize that the more we are hurt in the world, the more we are likely to close up. It’s not a bad or wicked desire. Often, it’s a desire to close an already gaping or frail wound site.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m still fighting alongside you to stay open, hence the title of our weekend reminder here. On this Good Friday, I’m literally remembering just as I did when as we took Communion this morning, the way Christ’s arms remained open to us, even on the Cross, and even now, despite our confirmation biases that insist everything is the fault of others.
Also, along with you in another relevant model, I’m also inspired by Princess Kate this week who pressed herself to be authentic in a culture that doesn’t always accept one another’s frail moments readily. In that way, she took a leap of faith and boldly expressed vulnerability and balance. This move then in turn inspired droves of people showing up on social media this week to share a few of their less shiny moments, myself included here.
But yes, even as a proud authenticity user on the Myers Briggs who wants us to love and be loved with all the quirks that come with being me and you, I too find myself walling off at times. It’s a big ouch when someone hits a nerve, even for those of us who’ve been walking this journey for some time now.
Just this week, I had a couple of sweet nieces and a nephew open my fairly closed heart in a particular area, and for those who know me well — and perhaps we share this in common — the children I love are the ones to rend my stubborn heart back open time and again (along with Wes when he does a really good back scratch, lol!!)
But truly, do you have children, elders, a spouse or perhaps a true friend in your life whom you can remember or reach out to as an inspiration to help you to stay open and loving?
My nieces, whom I hadn’t seen in a year (we live several states away), opened my heart right back up this week when they came for a surprise visit - our extended family is also famous for these - and caught my heart up right in theirs with one fell swoop. Scarlett mentioning that she had seen a LOTR preview didn’t hurt the case at all, nor was I closed off to her, of course. It was the adults I was holding space from, adults who had hurt me.
But once more, with this surprise visit, I was open. I felt a little like the old man in Home Alone, truth be told, with how broken family wounds can feel at times, and I was so grateful there were children to remind me of the love of Christ when I needed to hold myself open to it the most.
The truth is, like Christ, kids want us, broken or not. They will forgive the seventy times seven that Jesus calls us to, and they get why it’s needed. They mess up ALL the time because they’re still learning all the functions.
They love to know that we too are still learning and they, along with our more healthy friends, are inspired by that vulnerability.
They get that we are still walking the walk, still stumbling, still afraid, and still judging sometimes when we need to put the metaphorical stones down.
They get that we too are still in need of Hope and love, just like they are.
We can’t hide under addiction or hate or busyness or shame and pretend we don’t suffer or that they don’t suffer. We can’t pretend it isn’t hard sometimes just to be human.
Hiding or walling off for long periods of time doesn’t do anything but hurt you and the ones who love you.
This Easter weekend, I remind you to let the love of Christ in again if perhaps you’ve had a bout with hurt, too. Let that come to you through the openness of a loving friend, child, spouse or mentor, pastor, or even blog post.
How do you start opening up?
Do something fun to take a little edge off of you. Right now I am typing this out as I sit on my lawn with my dog (I just snapped a pic and shared below. Don’t dogs have the life doing this all week?). I let the beautiful Florida breeze hit my face after a full week of tearful couple’s fights on Zooms and teaching an often reticent Jack during other people’s Spring breaks. It’s a gift. It’s what I needed to stay open.
You too need this.
Spend time with someone you love and/or doing something you love this weekend to soften you, to bring you back to this space of openness for loving well again.
As you lean in to this kind of rest and care, know this about when you come back to love.
Your people will not be perfect and neither with you.
It may be downright clunky loving on those who you care about, but it is a wonderful thing to truly find a few people who really do love you no matter what.
And if you’re thinking it’s not your spouse because they are the ones who have a bit of a wall around them, I get that too. Let them heal, too. Find out what they need for this kind of sweet rest and plan or make space for them to do something for them too. They too need open-handed love.
May you find love and light this Easter, hard as it can feel to risk. Perhaps you’ll even get your momentum from this Substack right now. ✨💕🥳
Much love, and rooting for YOU!
Christa