Creatively Using the Laws of Physics for Connecting Well
The laws of motion are for your relationship, too
Although we draw theory from quantum mechanics on fun sci-fi shows like The Flash and such, today we find the most practical layer of work not from quarks or Einstein’s electrons crashing (although we could metaphorically go there too). No, our relationship awareness comes from Newton’s more relatable genius in his critical Laws of Motion.
And don’t worry, I know this is a Friday, so I promise you, after the teensiest bit of theory, I’ll bring it home to you for use for fun, too!
OK, so here’s the breakdown of Newton’s First Law of Motion, and then we’ll cover it as it applies to our relationships:
In deep interstellar space, if an object had a velocity, it would continue moving with that velocity until there was some force to cause a change in the motion. Similarly, if an object were at rest in interstellar space, it would remain at rest until there was a force to cause it to change its motion. (Click here for the source)
In other words, in life and in relationships too (and in space), we noticed, whether using Newton here or family systems theory at large, that when we make a move or make a motion for change, we change up the whole system.
Yes, we change one another through active shifts, motion, and collaboration, whether as a couple or the whole family and community.
I’ve observed the change usually trickles into all of the above layers, especially as we aim to bring our survival instincts and fight or flight (etc) responses into healthy response cycles.
But how do we make these moves?
Well, we’ll each uniquely choose our routes, make no mistake about that, and that’s why I’m never bored with my work with couples - you’re all so uniquely innovative!
But while some personality types will solve A with B and C and others will use D or E, we all aim to come to the solution of joy and health in relationships.
And thankfully, there is a way to bring this home together so we can ignite your love into motion again.
What we all have in common in our successes very practically from the first law of motion is this principle, whether in life or relationships:
Movement - not stagnation - is key.
I notice this naturally in relating to my Enneagram One hubby. Ones are movers and shakers by trade, as even today Wes bustles around me on his day off, fixing things, muttering, with his best Home Improvement vibes. If we’re going to solve problems, movement will be key and we need to plan a little reward for afterward. We work hard so we can play hard and rest hard.
But so too do I notice this with my Enneagram Nine daughter, who has a lot of potential energy that only gets turned into kinetic energy and problem-solving when she’s activated into motion, as I watched this truth vibrantly display itself on our walk yesterday. Our prior conversations in the home changed from comfort topics and materialism (and of course, these have their place too) to a meaningful focal point of women’s issues and macroeconomics - by her lead - as we walked. At her best, she moves from justice-fighting back to comfort with the satisfaction of knowing she’s changing the world and resting also, again and again!
I also notice this with my sweet Sixish son who loves to learn on a bouncy ball and even now reads with a laser-lit Ripstick next to me, as well as my Enneagram Four daughter - motion is something that pleasantly brings Hannah out of melancholic thought fixations and into her loving help toward others - something that brings her deep satisfaction, and also as we recently discussed on the pod, also improves blood markers.
And as you may have heard on this week’s subscriber podcast on Apple, we women all need this when estrogen and progesterone are low.
So make no mistake, I’m not being facetious or theoretical when I gently but firmly say, “Get moving!” The laws of actual movement motion actually apply to your “stuck” relationship settings.
So what can you do? Next time you’re feeling stuck together (aka not getting back to the fun you were aiming to have together!), here are a few ways to get you moving relationally:
Take a walk together with a few pages of an audiobook at a time, or try to read a book together by moving actively through its pages with intention on a certain day of the week. If you want thorough tools, you can use my book available via audio, Kindle, or paperback, The Enneagram in Marriage: Your Guide to Thriving Together in Your Unique Pairing, which is strategically designed to get you activated and healthy across every season. Do something fun afterward, like watching a funny show while resting or cooking a delicious meal and dessert!
Take a walk together a few nights or mornings a week and enjoy both some light conversation along with some active problem-solving. Remember to keep a five to one ratio of positives to negatives or most of the time your spouse will not be able to hear your well-meant tips and suggestions. Humans get flooded easily, and keep that in mind to ask them for the same consideration, too (along with movement in your body and deep breaths!)
Seek therapy or coaching together. We do have fun in our meetings honestly, because we are making changes for the better! My team and I love to help and it builds momentum, movement, and energy to get presentable for Zooms or for appearing together in person with your helper. Suzanne Stabile talked on my podcast about how she, along with so many others I can vouch more, brings more to the table with accountability from a space of a safe helping relationship.
If walking around the neighborhood (etc) is not possible or wise, such as if timing, weather, or privacy compromise the setting, try to stretch, move, or pace while you work out conflict in your home. In client sessions, for instance, I’ve frequently noticed that advocating that clients pace a bit in circles while they listen or take active breaths can help a TON! It keeps a much-needed conversation moving, versus eye-rolling or other unhealthy non-verbal ways of moving and coping and self-soothing taking over. An oxytocin-releasing hug afterward or some endorphin-releasing tears can give way to getting you refreshed and on track for fun together, too!
However you proceed with the laws of relationship motion, remember that if you do nothing, nothing will happen. It takes life-giving energy and a lot of trial and error to make or do anything good in the world.
And as important as rest is, relationships take calories, work, sweat, scientific experimenting, and patience for the gritty solutions.
Relationships are worth it, however, because they are everything both statistically and in everything universal as we observe physical properties and make discoveries together.
Choose a way from my tips above to keep your love refreshed or moving or find one of your own, followed by a fun reward.
I’m right here cheering you on the sidelines as I too move into action and rest accordingly!
Love living intentionally with you,
Christa
PS: Feel free to share your own good ideas for keeping yourselves in motion for fun or healthy problem-solving! 💕
As a four, movement is medicine for aches in my heart. Or the fear in my head. I love cleaning, walking, or even dancing to shake up that energy and reconnect with others.